Puja has taken ill. She was running 102. This morning is better but I have taken the day off. Though she is still 101 plus and we are going to the Doctor at 2.00 pm. The baby has severe rashes on the face and we are going to the Doctor for her at 10.30.

Another night duty for me. We fed her around 11.00 and then I put her to sleep with some difficulty. She woke up around 2 and I changed the diaper and fed her about 3oz of milk and try very hard to burp her and it was all over around 3.00 am. She was fidgeting a lot and Puja woke up and woke me up as well. Another attempt to put her to sleep and feed her until about 4.00. Woke up again around 6 to feed her. Hectic, huh?

Puja has taken ill. She was running 100.8 yesterday. Puja's mother is down with allergies as well. We are all breaking down a bit now and tempers are beginning to run wild.

The little one is winning...

It was my duty along with Puja last night. We tried to provide much needed rest to Puja's mom.

It was not too bad. We fed her at around midnight and she was actually in deep sleep already and did not wake up. She woke up around 4 and we fed her again and changed her diaper. I feel OK though I probably just got over 4 hours of sleep. I am imagine how this is very hard on folks who have to do it every day.

I did have a lot of fun with the baby though. She is just adorable right after she's been fed and it is a joy to watch her just vegitate.

I feel the bond strengthen. I spent quite a while with her today. Put her to sleep 3 times and changed two diapers. I just like to watch her make those arduous attempts at trying to understand and trying to communicate. Mostly with her subtle mannerisms and vigorous hand movements. Such a pure joy to look at her specially when she is just done feeding. It is nirvana for her and you can feel it in her eyes and in her bulging cheeks. She is just so satisfied. I have never seen anything quite like that. It has a lot of force that face. A beautiful baby face. Free of worries and free of pain (well, generally speaking.)

I come from office around 7 and then spend just over half hour with Akshra and then have dinner and then do some of my own work with photos and the blogs and then go to bed with some TV. This is my new routine and I expect it to last for until Puja's mom is here. After there it would be chaotic but it would be my chaos and I am looking forward to it.

I often just look at her lying in my arms and staring happily (or sadly, who knows) at me. The face is burned in my memory. I can never forget it. I know it now just like I know some other things instinctively.

Akshra is 11 days old and already has sucked the life out of Puja. She worries, frets and obsesses over her constantly checking if she is awake and constantly awake lest Akshra wakes up and has to cry. It is sad but also funny -- Puja is all about caring for her daughter but the anxiety is taking such a toll on her that she is almost on the verge of tears.

I've been doing night duty with Puja for the last two days and it hasn't been that bad really. Akshra wakes up about twice a night and gets feeding and cleaning and is generally back to sleep like a nice little girl! However, the exercise does last about 45 minutes for each wake up so you are talking about staying awake for about two hours in the night which obviously would make doing this during weeknights challenging. Thankfully Puja on maternity leave and her mother her until the end of November do it.

My little baby "Akshra" is 7 days old now. She was born at 12:14 pm on Wednesday, 09/06/2006.

I just played with her a bit and it is so fascinating! I still haven't gotten over the fact that there is a new human being we've created. It is just too astonishing and overwhelming.

There is lots to write about the last few days and I will get back to most of it in due course of time. I am going to just hang out for now.

So no "movie-like" experience for us. Puja's contractions haven't gotten any stronger or more frequent. Seems like we are headed for a scheduled induction at 7.00 today. Puja is somewhat disappointed and so am I. Deep inside we know that we are probably opening up the path to a c-section, which is our ultimtely fear.

Some contractions overnight and about 5 in an hour in the morning. However, they do not seem to be getting more concentrated or more frequent or any stronger. We are just tagging along. We go to the hospital at 6.30 pm tonight.

Much to our chagrin, nothing happened in the day today. We were hoping that the pains Puja had started feeling last night will translate into labor today but did not quite happen. She spent today just fine. We event walked over a couple miles before lunch, in what turned out to be gorgeous weekend after all, but nothing. We took a luxurious nap in the afternoon and had some delicious food thanks to Puja's mom. She has been trying hard to keep her demanding daughter happy with food.

It is getting closer though and Puja and I often just look at each other in this quite disbelief that we are in for a major change and we both are a little unsure as to what it means to us. I mean apart from the obvious feeling of joy and happiness what it means to us in the long run in our day to day lives. We get the bigger picture but I am not sure we understand the details.

September 4th, 200. Monday. Labor Day.

Puja had some pains overnight and it seems like today may be the day. However, the contractions were not consistent enough and seemed to have died down which is almost the exact indicator that the pains are really not pregnancy contractions. She kept awake most of the night and only just caught some sleep.

Her mother apparently just woke her up again.

Puja is beginning to feel some push and other signs and the action might begin later today. That of course would be great because we wouldn't have to wait until Tuesday night to get induced. However, of course there is nothing conclusive about anything. We might just have to wait until Tuesday anyway.

Today is September 1st and day -4 for us. We continue to wait somewhat patiently and hope that something happens before we need to get induced artificially.
*
Today is the last day at work as well. I have taken all of next week off. It seems like no matter how it goes I will be a father by the 6th of September. I cannot focus on anything and work is very tedious. I also feel very lethargic from the anxiety and somehow pray for things to change and the baby to come out quickly. Though these last few days are the only ones left of freedom and fun. However, we cannot look at it that way.
*
Friends and relatives call and ask her "what's going on?" and we tell them -- "nothing." It happens again and again and fuels our anxiety more and more.