Today is father's day. This is the first time it is supposed to mean something to me as I am going to be a father very soon. I am sure I do not understand at any comforting level what this really means. I am not sure of my responsibilities and I am not sure of my powers. I am going into this older than most of humanity and hence I can think more about this and belabor the experience with giant question marks. I think all I need though is the reassurance of exclamation points!

I also remember my father today who died 5 years ago on May 28th. He was one of the few individuals I have known who was genuinely good overall. I cannot be him I know. I wonder if my children will ever say that about me. If not that then what else will they say about me? It is a discomforting thought. I am being put in the most critical witness box in the world and I will be judged by the harshest panel of judges, my children, and if I am not set free, my punishment will be: alienation from your own flesh, which, of course is the hardest of any punishments.

8 weeks before my firstborn enters this world I know my life is never going to be the same and I know I will exercise less control on my life than I ever have. My "selfishness" needs to include my child now.

We started to make space for our baby in the apartment yesterday. We moved stuff around, dumped more stuff in the storage and generally tried to make room for a new tiny life. Of course the tiny life will take up more space than we can ever make. It will take up more space than even we as spendthrifts and horders will ever do. And still it seems justified and pleasing in general.

How different is the life of today's pregnant woman as compared to those a few years ago. Puja is on support this week and she is working late into the night buried in the laptop taking calls from the support team in India and then trying desperately to figure stuff out, make calls and basically be just very very busy and stressed. She is 30 weeks pregnant and I don't think a generation before ever faced this type of stress. The woman probably worked hard no doubt but they didn't have to deal with off-shore support in the night and cell phones that barely work and email hell that one cannot seem to get out of. Technology constantly jackhammering your brain until it becomes all mushy and pulp-like. Of course what all it means to the baby isn't quite known yet. The babies are as prepared as they were years ago. Genetic evolution hasn't taught them how to fend off an overstressed, overworked mother.

Puja's surprise Baby Shower was held at Sheru's place this pas Saturday. It was a fun-filled evening with lots of friends and their kids. We really had a great time. Ravindra and Tulika had come over from Columbus and Bobby and Sheru had done a great job organizing and making everything plan out right. Puja was completely taken aback with surprise and joy and was embarrassed and didn't quite know what to do or so. She just sat there smiling. She was very happy indeed.

Today also marks the completion of 29 weeks. We are now almost in the last quarter. Just another 11 months to go.

The baby's brain is getting developed they tell me. Very exciting. Need to feed Puja lots of almonds. Isn't it amazing that what is happening in complete darkness in the womb right now is the development of the most advanced evolutionary entity. What is equally amazing is that we cannot really do a thing to help or to have an impact on it in any real way. I guess we can physically impact it by alcohol consumption and the like but we cannot impact its instinct. Wow!

Puja will complete 28 weeks on Monday. Boy the time has flied for me. I am not sure she would not agree though. She is beginning to feel the weight of her belly more and more now and it is starting to get a bit hard for her to sleep or move around much.