Puja is surprised that I am not yet obsessed with getting all possible information there is to get about being pregnant. I am surprised too. I am playing a bit cautious. I just don't want to get sucked in too much. I want to wait and watch a bit.

The only things Puja needs to avoid at this point are soft chesses like blue cheese and gorgonzola. I was a bit surprised. I thought there would be more directions. It sort of makes sense though. Over the years babies have been born without much support. However, the pressures we are facing now have never been felt before. Its not that conditions are not better, of course they are. Much much better. Its just that the stress is almost a new phenomenon that humans haven't really known how to deal with.

Word came from the doctor in the form of a phone message yesterday afternoon that we are indeed pregnant. Overjoyed and a bit relieved to heard that. 16 months of anxiety finally coming to a halt...and of course all new ones are beginning.

So, once again, we crawled out of the bed and made it out of the home by 6.40 to get to the clinic at 7.15 to get a sonogram done. We saw a little sac that is supposed to contain a tiny little embryo which was a little large for its 'age'. The doctor said that was very good. We weren't quite sure. I wasn't sure. I am not sure about anything. It all seems murky.

Now starts the battle of keeping it all together and not losing our minds and more importantly not losing our child or not losing our minds thinking about not losing our child -- who arguably isn't quite a child yet. It is 24 weeks they say until which you can abort so the current law and medicine doesn't consider the foetus a child until after 24 weeks. Little comfort at this point. Puja is already feeling attach to it I am sure.

It was in Oaxaca, Mexico that we realized that we may be pregnant. Finally. After about a year and a half of effort, it seems like finally we are going to tiptoe into parenthood. We will know with more certainity later today but it seems pretty obvious at this point.

I feel happy but also a bit exhausted -- no not from the tries -- but from the anxiety and fear. One fear is gone and now a new fear has begun. In fact, a series of new fears have begun. A long journey of 9 months. A lot can go wrong. It went south once. We are trying to be cautiosly optimistic this time. We want to believe it will work.